Ever heard someone say, “don’t take it personal?” I have found myself of having the reaction to the person saying it kind of like, F*** off! Stop treating people so poorly. Looking at the person speaking as an ogre, mean or too intense. Then feeling sorry for the person that is taking offense or in my case… feeling sorry for myself.
Well, I realised that I am usually that person that is taking offense to lots of things way too easily. Having me left with feeling angry and offended. After digging a little deeper I realised behind all of that is a very thick layer of less than.
Here is a concept that has shaken up a lot of moments in my life!
The unconscious behaviour of less than or better than. When in an exchange with someone or anyone for that matter I was observing myself as either being less than that person or better than them as my issues were more refined than theirs. Well this also played a big part in not effectively connecting with people as you can imagine.
So I asked myself, what else is there if I am not either better than someone or not as good as someone else??? Is there anything else? I’m not sure if I have ever experienced anything else other than seeing things as ‘not as good’ or ‘better than?’ If I uncouple or remove ‘better than’ or ‘less than’ what is left??? This is where I found me, an equal, the self, or the I am that I have heard spoken about. There is a neutral still point in which I, for a moment in time, felt peace and absolutely unaffected by anyone or anything. Experiencing a total complete freedom of choice and an extreme power. This experience scrambles with me because I feel this dance with extreme peaceful power verses the ‘less than’ and ‘greater than.’ Sometimes going why am I still at war?
Of course I’m going to go deep diving for the root cause of where I feel less than or a need to feel greater than.
In the mean time it’s a lot easier to just let it go and trust!
I will continue to LET GO of being perfect…
I will continue deepen my breath practice to strengthen TRUST in myself and build my confidence so there isn’t a need or desire to be less than or greater than.
Bonus lessons learnt: I will take the opportunity to feel comfortable with uncomfortable simple truths to move through behaviours that hold me back from where I want to go. Observing myself as often as I can. I can take it personal and move through to the other side to extreme personal power as fast or as slow as I choose.